


All The Hotels In All The World (And You Had To Rob Mine)

by sarcastic_fina



Series: Darcy Lewis Crossover Week [5]
Category: DCU, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Smallville, The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011)
Genre: Chloe is a badass, Crossover, Darcy Lewis Crossover Week, Darcy and Chloe are snark soul mates, Darcy and Clint aren't shy about their sex life, F/M, Vacations for Clint and Darcy pretty much never go according to plan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-27
Updated: 2012-08-27
Packaged: 2017-11-13 01:44:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/498051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarcastic_fina/pseuds/sarcastic_fina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"'We'll spend a weekend away, he said. Book it under a work expense, he joked," she muttered under her breath. "'Star City practically screams romantic…' Yeah, well jokes on you, Katniss, because this is the worst vacation you have ever taken me on and that includes that time that we were chased and nearly eaten by pygmies on a deserted island!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	All The Hotels In All The World (And You Had To Rob Mine)

  


  


"This is so  _not_ how I imagined my Saturday going," Darcy complained, back against a wall, tazer held up in two hands, her eyes darting back and forth, searching for incoming danger.

She couldn't quite hear the sound of anything outside of her own heartbeat pounding in her ears, which, obviously, made being on guard even more difficult. In the back of her mind, she could hear Coulson complaining; about the fact that all she had on her was a tazer, that she wasn't staying calm under pressure, that she always managed to get into trouble, etcetera. He was never going to let her live this down!

"'We'll spend a weekend away, he said. Book it under a work expense, he joked," she muttered under her breath. "'StarCity practically  _screams_ romantic…' Yeah, well jokes on you,  _Katniss_ , because this is the  _worst_ vacation you have ever taken me on and that  _includes_ that time that we were chased and nearly  _eaten_  by pygmies on a deserted island!"

"Wow, your vacations rival even mine," a voice piped up.

Darcy whirled, finger squeezing the trigger on her tazer more out of instinct than anything.

The tiny, blonde woman who interrupted her complaining managed to dodge it, her eyebrow cocked.

Darcy sighed. "Oh good job, White Ninja. I only needed that to survive and now it's been wasted on  _you_."

She snorted. "Sorry…" Her eyebrows furrowed. "Any reason you're traipsing around here with nothing but your handy-dandy tazer there, Killer?"

She rolled her eyes. "You mean your eavesdropping didn't clue you in?"

"It let me know your boyfriend's about as good at picking out good vacay spots as my husband," she mused, head cocked. She pointed at the tazer, which Darcy was reloading from her purse. "I assume you know this place is currently under lockdown because a few evil-doers felt like going Ocean's Eleven on us…"

"Must've been a slow week," Darcy said distantly, smiling appreciatively at her reloaded tazer. "I mean, New York gets a pretty healthy percentage of the crazies, but you guys have your own leathered super-group, don't you?"

"We do." She smiled, before tapping a bracelet on her wrist. "In fact, they're almost certainly trying to find a way in to take out the target."

"And you were just…" Darcy shook her head wonderingly. "Here. Hanging out?"

She shrugged. "I live here —as in StarCity not the hotel— but sometimes a girl likes to get away from the hubbub and relax…" She waved a finger around in a circle. "This place has its own spa, so it hit my top priorities list for a little getaway." Her nose wrinkled. "The team invited themselves over for a bros night so I decided to rent a room and veg out."

"When my team wants to have a bro-night, I usually have to check all the fire extinguishers and then make sure the built in AI calls me when things get too rowdy…" Darcy shrugged. "I've narrowed it down to a two-block radius for girls' night out; we still get the good booze and the red velvet rope but we're close enough if anybody needs medical attention or y'know, just to be scolded…" She smiled. "Or if I want to be carried home because drunk-walking is just  _not_ fun."

She grinned. "I can relate; mostly on the crazy team antics front." She stuck a hand out. "Well, since we're probably going to be navigating this luxury maze for awhile, at least until my team gets in, I'm Chloe Queen."

Darcy's head quirked. "As in Oliver Queen's wife, right?" She nodded and snapped her fingers before taking Chloe's hand. "Green Arrow, I'm impressed."

Chloe shrugged. "Yeah, well, given where you're located and your own team M.O., I'm going to take a wild guess and say you're dating one of the Avengers…?" Her eyebrow quirked wonderingly.

"Hawkeye," she said, nodding, before letting her eyes wander up near the ceiling. "Who is probably currently making his way through the air-vents to the target as we speak..."

"And he just left you to hang out in the hotel room?" she asked, eyes wide and lips folded in a frown.

"No… More of, I snuck out to steal a bottle of champagne and some strawberries because room service shut down for the night and, well…" She shrugged. "I have like no patience whatsoever, so I figured I'd see if I could break into the kitchen and make off with some goods."

A smile stretched her lips. "And how'd you make out?"

"Somewhere between the kitchen and the sixth floor, our hotel was put on lock down and the very familiar sound of gunshots was heard… So I finished off the strawberries, took a swig of the champagne, and then hightailed it back to my room." She sighed, looking annoyed, and rolled her eyes. "But Clint, being the romantic sap he is, went and got the honeymoon suite, and lo and behold, Bad Guys Larry, Curly, and Moe were already making quick work of our room to see what we might have of value." She shrugged. "Long story short, I knocked out Moe with the champagne bottle; serves him right too, he was totally rifling through all my naughty lingerie!  _Jerk!_ " She waved a dismissive hand. "Then I kicked Curly in the balls and finally I shut the door on Larry before I ran back downstairs like a little bitch."

"Survival instinct," Chloe said, nodding. "I'm sure I'd have done the same thing."

"Yeah, well, somehow I think your gun would be a little more productive than my stolen champagne," she reminded, her eyes falling to where Chloe was holding a sleek, black Glock.

Chloe turned her wrist, eyeing the weapon. "Yeah, well, you get used to carrying when your husband has a fondness for antiquated weapons and the rest of your team is basically super-charged."

Darcy smirked. "Score two for the archers though," she said. "Clint's a master marksman; he can hit anything using pretty much anything — seriously, I once saw him take out some asshole agent with a mini-carrot!" Her eyes widened. "It was  _awesome!_ "

She laughed. "Yeah, Ollie's aim is pretty much perfect."

She stood up a little taller with an idea. "When we get out of this, we should so have them face-off in a little one-on-one, who's got the better aim dealy-o!"

She grinned. "You're on." Her eyebrow arched. "My money's on green though."

Darcy let out a little laugh. "Wager's always fun."

"We'll work out the details when we're safe and sound," Chloe decided. "For now, why don't we go see what's taking the boys so long?"

They jogged down the stairs from the ninth- to the main floor, where many of the guests had been corralled in the dining room, still in their pajamas, many of them sadly sporting bedhead, or in some cases – and go them! – sex hair.

Darcy frowned; if these douches hadn't shown up when they did,  _she'd_  have sex hair. And champagne.

"Head-to-toe black and ski masks," Chloe scoffed, eyeing them through a cracked doorway. "Amateurs."

"Isn't that a good thing?" Darcy muttered.

"Sure." Her lips pursed in a vague pout. "But eventually you get to a point in your crime fighting where you really wish that somebody would put a little effort in."

Darcy side-eyed her. "The life you live must be weird."

She quirked her head and shrugged. "You have no idea."

"I don't know why  _I'm_ talking, I live with a bunch of pop-tart burning, robot building, ego-centric, gods, assassins, and experiments gone horribly right… depending on who you're talking to, I mean Banner has this Jekyll/Hyde complex that makes him hate his greener side, but I've seen the giant do some good, so I can't say it's totally without merit."

Chloe blinked, brows furrowed. "Do you always talk this much when there are people holding guns not far away?"

"It's a habit… No brain-to-mouth filter."

"You remind me of my cousin…" Chloe's eyes narrowed. "Not always a bad thing, but I swear she almost attracts danger more than I do."

As if she'd jinxed them, they suddenly heard the cock of a gun.

Darcy turned her head and found an AK-47 pointed at her and her heart quickly lodged in her throat.

"Eep!" she squeaked, holding her hands up in surrender, still gripping her tazer. "So, hey, I think we took a wrong turn somewhere…" She laughed, affecting a clueless expression. "Heard there was spa, care to give us directions?"

The man cocked his head and then took a step back, motioning with his gun for them to stand.

"Twenty bucks says he is  _not_ taking us to the spa," Chloe sighed, standing with her.

"Aw, man, and I was really looking forward to a mani/pedi..."

Chloe's lips twitched as she walked forward, putting herself between Darcy and the gun. "There's an awesome new shade they have that you should try; Shock To The Heart, Purple Daze." She flashed her eyebrows meaningfully and Darcy took her cue.

With Chloe blocking her, she lowered her arm, aimed, and fired her tazer.

Their assailant, seeing Darcy's lowering hand, moved his gun, but Chloe threw her hand up, slammed the heel into the barrel and sent the gun toward the ceiling; the tines of the tazer connected and sent a jarring shock of electricity through him. While he spasmed, the gun went off, taking out a chunk of the ceiling and sending plaster dust raining down.

"Well, that could have gone better," Darcy muttered.

Chloe disarmed the man, who fell to his knees and then to his side, still shaking and twitching.

Darcy dislodged the cartridge and dug in her purse. "I'm on my last one," she warned.

"You know how to shoot?" Chloe asked, holding the AK-47 out for her to take.

"Uhh… Aim for the fleshy parts?" she asked, but swung the strap over her head and let the all too intimidating gun hang at her hip. "Where's the safety?"

"Just keep it aimed at the floor; we don't want to have to worry about safety's when the bad guys come calling." She skipped over the body on the floor and nodded her head. "We need to get out of sight; they'll send out a scout to see what's happening."

Darcy followed her into an employees-only supply room, the door cracked, as they listened for noise.

There were loud foot steps and a door swinging open before two voices could be heard.

"The hell happened here?"

One man sighed. "Ralph's down; he's been tazed."

"We've got a civvy running around trigger happy?"

"They were smart, they would'a booked it outta here and called the cops."

"This place is locked down tight; nobody is getting in or out… Which means they're still here."

"I'll grab Joey, do a sweep."

"If you're not back in twenty, I'll send out a search team."

He snorted. "Thanks for the vote of confidence, chief."

They listened, waiting as footsteps echoed for a moment.

When Darcy reached for the door, Chloe stopped her. "He had to grab Joey; wait."

A few moments later, they heard footsteps again, heading for the stairs.

Only when they were sure that they were clear did Chloe stand, pushing the door open and ushering Darcy with her.

"Two options; we take out Joey and the other guy and wait for reinforcements to come looking before taking them out too. Or we let Joey and the other guy waste twenty minutes searching while we find a way to let the JLA in…"

"Twenty minutes is a crap window," Darcy said.

"And like you said, your guy's probably already zeroing in on the target."

"While your team has to be competent enough to find a way in, right?"

She nodded, smiling. "Oh, they'll get in," she assured confidently.

"Okay, so we take out the two guys upstairs and then pick off the reinforcements one by one."

Chloe's expression turned hard and she eyed Darcy carefully. "You're sure you can handle this?" she asked, dropping her eyes to the gun. "This isn't Duck Hunt; you take a shot, these guys bleed. When they're down for the count, there's a good chance they're not getting back up."

Darcy chewed her lip. "Do I  _want_ to play sharpshooter,  _no_ , not really… I usually leave the bullseye's to Clint…" She let out a sigh. "But we're in a hostage situation and these assholes just ruined the only chance I got at a vacation." Her eyes widened, eyebrows hiked. "And now that I know there's a spa, there's no going back."

She chuckled lightly before raising her gun. "All right." She started across the main lobby toward the stairs. "But if you have second thoughts or you don't think you can take the shot…" She glanced at her over her shoulder. "Say the word."

"Oh my God, okay, my safe word is Confetti Cupcake Pop-tarts!"

Brows furrowed, Chloe said, "Uh, you sure you don't want to go with something a little shorter?"

"Don't judge! It's a good source of eight vitamins and minerals," Darcy boasted, jogging up the stairs behind her.

"Yeah, I was thinking more along the lines of since you can't shoot and you're freezing up under pressure, you might want to alert me as soon as possible… So you don't get shot yourself and then I have to deal with a grieving, vengeful archer." She rolled her eyes. "Been there, done that, still trying to heal those emotional scars."

"Fine… Raspberry… But—!" She raised a finger. "I'd like to say I'm changing it under protest."

Chloe snorted. "Duly noted."

They spotted their targets just exiting the fourth floor onto the stairwell and were able to duck right before they spotted them. As they climbed up to the fifth doorway, Chloe nodded down at Darcy. As soon as the door closed, they raced up the remaining stairs; Darcy could feel her pulse hammering, adrenaline running up and down her body, making her arms and legs feel like jiggling Jell-O.

As she knelt on the floor, AK-47 in hand, all she could think was that somewhere, probably crawling on elbows and knees, Clint was praying she was holed up in some closet, safe and sound. Boy was he going to be in for a surprise.

When Joey and his partner opened the door, they weren't expecting to be faced with guns; they also weren't quick enough to raise their own.

Chloe pressed the muzzle of her Glock against one man's temple. She reached out and snagged his gun from him before saying, "Back up."

As they moved, Darcy rose, kicking her foot out to keep the door from closing on her.

"On your knees," Chloe told them.

"Kinky," Darcy muttered, shrugging at Chloe's rolled eyes and reminding, "What? I  _warned_ you I had nobrain-to-mouth filter!"

Both men hit their knees and Chloe disarmed the other one too, putting both guns through her belt either hip.

Darcy circled around to stand behind them and rocked on her feet. "We're not going to execute them, are we? Because I'm a little squeamish on that front…"

"Just a little?" Chloe asked skeptically.

"Okay, so I'm not really into blowing anybody's brains out…"

"Good. 'Cause we're not." With that, Chloe twirled her gun and then used the butt to bring down hard on the back of one man's head, knocking him out cold.

"Oh my God, I've always wanted to do that!" Darcy cried, before doing the same with her gun and knocking the other man out. Unfortunately, her gun went off, and she cringed. "This thing is  _so_ touchy..." she complained.

Chloe sighed. "There goes our twenty minute window."

Darcy smiled sheepishly. "Oops?"

She shook her head. "I get the feeling you're not involved in a lot of missions… despite the hero-status of your boyfriend."

She shrugged. "Well… Mostly I'm a grunt; you know, coffee-fetcher, pop-tart maker, general upkeep on important scientist duties…" Her eyes turned up. "Oh, and occasionally Coulson lets me scare the rookies… And there were a few times that Tony let me drive the Quinjet, but there's no way that was proper protocol because I nearly took out a skyscraper and Fury gave me that one-eyed 'why do I even employ you?' look that he gives me pretty regularly, but y'know, this time it was totally worse…" She snapped her fingers. "And there was that time that I convinced the Hulk to stop smashing up Central Park, but I was gypped out of overtime like crazy on that one… I mean, who even  _knows_ what his beef is with those ducks, right?"

Chloe blinked at her. "And you thought  _my_ life was weird…" she mused.

Darcy grinned.

Their conversation was cut short however as footsteps on the stairs could be heard marching their way.

"What do we do?" Darcy wondered.

"Go out guns ablazing?" Chloe wondered, shoulders shrugged high.

"We could break into one of these rooms and hide out," Darcy suggested, " Sneak attack from behind."

Just as they approached the door to room 609, the lights went out and the marching ceased.

"That would be my team," Chloe said, with nothing less than absolute pride in her voice.

Whining metal could be heard then before suddenly a male grunt and something landing heavily on the floor.

"Darce?"

She breathed a sigh of relief, heart swelling and knees going weak as she turned, though she couldn't see anything even as she squinted. "Clint?"

"Get your ass up here," he ordered. "I've got the guys in the stairwell barricaded in and I took out six men in the conference room, but the main guy and five of his cronies are holed up. Looks like Green Leather and Friends are coming in anyway."

"Yeah, I got the heads up on them… Clint, meet Chloe Queen, Green Arrow's wife."

"Uh, hey, detached voice somewhere in the darkness," Chloe greeted.

"Great, awesome, we're having a hostage situation and you're making friends."

"Don't take that tone with me," Darcy snapped. "I was promised vacation time, sex, room service,  _more_ sex, a desert cart, swimming,  _acrobatic_ sex, and  _oh_ , by the way,  _somebody_ forgot to mention this place had a freakin' spa!"

He snorted. "When were you gonna have time for a massage with all the sex you had planned?"

"I would've  _made_ time, arrow boy!"

"Uh, not to interrupt this lover's quarrel, but…  _hostage situation_? Still definitely happening," Chloe intervened.

"He started it," Darcy muttered.

"And this would be me ending it… Come on, Killer, let's see if the air vent is made for three."

"Kinky," Clint muttered.

"Wow, you two are made for each other."

"Thank you," Darcy said, grinning to herself.

A flashlight suddenly caught her eyes and she followed the beam up to where the wall was showing a lack of vent cover.

Clint smirked down at her. "There you are."

"Here I am," she agreed, crossing toward him and holding up her hands, making a grabby motion.

He rolled his eyes, tucked his flashlight between his teeth, and held his hands down to her. "C'mon, up we go."

Darcy grunted as she was hauled up and used her feet on the wall for a little traction. "Oh god, I need to start working out, don't I?"

"Nat offered," he reminded.

Darcy pulled herself into the vent and somehow managed to crawl over and behind him, pausing to slap him on the ass as she went. "I take it back. You have enough muscles for both of us."

He snorted before turning back around and holding an arm out to Chloe, who managed to climb up much more gracefully than she did.

"Where are we going?" Darcy wondered, now stuck at the front of the group.

"Go straight," Clint said. "I'll tell you when to turn."

"Fine, but if there are any sudden drop-offs, you are  _cut off_ for the rest of this weekend," she warned.

"Way to hold out," Chloe laughed. "That's what, all of a day and a half?"

"Hey!" Darcy complained. "Seeing as you've never shared a bed with Mr. Gymnastics, you don't understand that it's a very long time… Especially when he takes off at random for classified missions."

"Okay, I apologized for that!" he argued, taking up the back.

"Three weeks, Clint!" she exclaimed, crawling arm over arm. "Three weeks of no communication; not a text or a phone call or even a frickin' smoke signal."

"I was undercover!"

"And telling Fury and Coulson not to tell me where you were and why?" She frowned at the darkness before her. "That was what exactly?"

"A safety precaution," he grumbled. "That way, nobody can ever use you for information on my whereabouts."

She growled. "Just for a second, I'd like you to reverse our roles. How would  _you_ feel if  _you_ didn't know where I was?"

"That's impossible; you've been chipped."

She stopped suddenly. "Back up. I've been  _what?_ "

Silence.

"Clint?"

"Wow, I'm really regretting being  _literally_ in the middle right now," Chloe muttered under her breath.

"Uh, you were… You have a tracking chip inserted in your body."

Quiet.

Shuffling.

Darcy started moving again, her lips firmed into two thin lines. She glared ahead of her despite not being able to see pretty much anything.

"Darce?"

She shook her head, even as she knew he couldn't see her.

"Oh come on, Darcy! It's important, okay? I mean, Jane's got a chip… All the agents are chipped… Natasha had one too, but she dug it out with a knife and threatened to make us swallow it if we ever tried to invade her privacy again."

Nothing.

"So I might've done it while you were sleeping… But I was worried! I mean, you were kidnapped the week before, we couldn't find you for  _three_  days; I was going out of my mind… The only thing that saved you was that beat-up, piece of crap phone of yours…" He sighed. "If we didn't get that signal, I…" He trailed off, his voice sounding hollow.

Darcy turned her eyes up and gave a long sigh. "You're an ass," she said.

"An ass that loves you… and just wants you to be safe."

"Safe," she snorted. "You took me on vacation and our hotel is being robbed!"

"Yeah, but… Look, you made a new friend!" he reminded.

"Oh my…" She shook her head. "You're insane. Why am I even dating you?"

"I think it was the acrobatic sex," Chloe piped up.

She hummed. "It's a selling point," she agreed.

"Right back atcha," Clint offered, before adding, "Turn left."

"Is there a particular place we're headed?" Chloe wondered. "Because I've got a team of heroes that're probably decimating the enemy as we speak and my husband's kind of a worry wart…"

"Then it's probably good you're not in the line of fire right now," he replied. "And we're heading back to the dining room; there're still hostages in there, but last I heard, it sounded like your team was making headway getting inside."

"Whoa, straight shot down, Batman!" Darcy cried out, pausing as she found the vent gave out in the form of a square hole.

"Crawl to the right, bring your feet under you, and drop," Clint told her.

"Are you  _crazy?_ I don't know how far down it is!"

"Not far. You'll be fine."

"Sure. Just drop into the dark hole, Darcy, this can't go wrong," she said under her breath.

She could practically  _hear_ him rolling his eyes as he replied, "You really think I'd send you ahead if I thought you might get hurt?"

"Uh, do I need to remind you about that time that you wrapped a propelling rope around me and shoved me out of a helicopter!?"

"Yeah, but… You were  _fine!_ "

"I sprained my wrist!"

He scoffed. "I  _told_ you not to grab the rope!"

"Who falls out of a helicopter and doesn't grab the one thing they think will save their life?" she exclaimed hotly.

"People who know their boyfriends wouldn't shove them out of a helicopter unless he had a foolproof plan," he argued.

"Oh my god, you are so  _fired!_ There will be no sex of any kind for you, buddy! Get familiar with your next two targets; the couch and your hand!"

His long-suffering sigh echoed behind her.

"Darcy, I know we've just met, but, get your ass down the dark hole, please?" Chloe interrupted.

"Fine, but see if I don't taze you properly next time," she said, before shuffling down the right of a vent and pulling her legs in. She let them tangle down as she laid on her stomach for a few seconds before finally inhaling deeply and pushing off. She let out a squeak as she fell, but it wasn't long before she'd hit the end of the vent, the pressure of her landing ricocheting up her legs.

"Ow, shit," she muttered, reaching for her knees to somehow stop the jarring sensation.

"Darcy?" Clint called down to her.

"Fine," she assured, glaring upwards. "Not that any injury would faze you!"

"I  _said_ I was sorry!"

She scoffed. "No you didn't!"

"I meant when I shoved you out of the chopper," he qualified.

"You mean when I was screaming and dangling by a rope while you were fighting with that jack-hole of a pilot?" She snorted. "Yeah, it was  _really_ heartfelt!"

"Wow, you guys need couples counseling," Chloe complained.

"Shut up," Darcy said, crawling out of the way. "When he's not shoving me out of things or making me fall into deep dark pits of abyss, we get along awesome!"

"Best relationship I've ever had," Clint agreed.

A clunk echoed as Chloe dropped down where Darcy had vacated.

"You're welcome," Darcy told him.

"If there wasn't a midget-sized blonde I hardly know between us, I'd be getting us started on that acrobatic sex," Clint returned.

"Wow, TMI…" Sighing, Chloe gave Darcy a shove. "This is why the Avengers and the Justice League don't communicate…"

"Because our awesome is too much for you to handle?" Darcy asked, grinning.

"No, because I'm not  _entirely_ sure you're sane…"

"Oh please, like you're riding the sanity bus; it left the station and you were  _not_ on it, lady!"

Chloe snorted but didn't argue.

"Darcy, turn right."

"Hey, does anybody hear that?"

They paused, heads turned to listen, and then suddenly there was a rumbling and the vent began to shake.

"Darce?"

"If we die, I totally accidentally broke that new arrow you were designing," she confessed. "It was an accident; Tony bet me I couldn't throw it like a dart. He made a target and everything and you know how I am when people bet me at things!"

"Seriously, that's what you want to die telling him?" Chloe asked, amused.

"Oh, and, uh, I totally love you. You're like, my soul mate."

"I  _knew_ you broke those arrows! Natasha said I was being paranoid!"

Darcy snorted. "Natasha was there."

The rumbling stopped suddenly and Darcy found herself faced with a smirking man, almost too close for comfort. Her head reared back in surprise. "Whoa, back it up there, buddy."

"'Licious?" he called, basically shouting in Darcy's face.

" _Impulse!_ " Chloe exclaimed from behind her, shuffling forward excitedly.

Darcy frowned. "I thought you were married to Green Arrow."

"I am," she said. "Impulse is a friend… and a flirt."

As if to prove it, he nodded at Darcy. "Hey  _chica_ , you hang out in air vents often?"

She laughed. "No, new development, you know, of the life-saving variety."

He nodded. "Well, you ever need a hero in the future, now you know who to call."

She thought he might be winking at her behind the sunglasses; she couldn't be sure.

"Yeah, sorry to burst your pubescent bubble there, kid, but my hero's behind ' _'Licious_ ', so I won't be sending up the Impulse signal any time soon."

He shrugged. "My loss."

"Clint, this one's adorable, I want to keep him," Darcy called back. "I'll train him and everything."

Chloe chuckled. "Sorry, that one's mine and I don't share."

"Aww, Tower, I'm touched," Bart told her. He paused then and dragged his arm up, pressing a finger against his ear. "Sounds like Bossman's getting impatient. Bad guys are all tied up and the police are in-bound. So what do you say to getting back to him before he flips his lid?"

"Lead the way," Chloe told him.

While he had to back up, he did it so quickly he was just a flash of red.

Twenty minutes later, they were standing on solid ground again and Darcy was twisting her head side to side to get the kinks out of her neck.

While Chloe walked past her, head bowed to talk to Impulse about the details involving the attempted robbery, Clint moved in behind Darcy, his front pressed against her back. She leaned into him, the warmth of his firm body relaxing her, her chin lolled against her chest. Brushing her hair out of the way, Clint started kneading at her shoulders to help her with her knotted up muscles. He dropped his head and kissed the nape of her neck before scrubbing the faint whiskers of his chin against her bare skin.

Darcy shivered and bit her lip. " _Really_ wishing our vacay wasn't interrupted…" she sighed.

He shrugged. "We still got a day and a half."

She snorted. "Yeah, 'cause Coulson isn't going to find out about this and make us debrief."

Clint hummed, but pointed with his finger. "I'm thinking we can leave the credit in the League's hands this time around."

Raising her head, she watched as Chloe smiled brightly and met the leathered Green Arrow in a hug, her arms wrapping around his waist and her head falling back, a smile spreading her lips as he leaned down and kissed her. His gloved hands roved up and down his wife's back, partly in what she was sure was a reassuring gesture and partly too to check and see if she was injured. Clint had done it to her a number of times in the past before she caught on.

"Speaking of…" Darcy turned her head up and looked at him, eyebrow arched. "Me and Chloe made a little bet on who had the better archer."

Clint smirked slowly, eyes moving over to take in Green Arrow with skeptical eyes. "It's on."

She laughed lightly before dropping her head back against his shoulder and sighing. Her life was weird, yes, but also a bag full of awesome too.

The following afternoon, after spending most of the night and morning catching up on sex and food (much of which had to be delivered since the hotel staff was pretty sketched out), Clint, Darcy, Chloe and Oliver met up at the Queen mansion, where a target range set up in the yard. Clint was packing his favorite bow, his arm slung around Darcy's waist, while she leaned against his side, pop-tart in hand.

She licked some filling off her finger and raised an eyebrow at Chloe. "I'm flattered you remembered," she said.

Chloe grinned. "How could I forget your  _unique_ safety word?"

"Confetti Cupcake?" Clint asked, looking at his girlfriend.

Chloe's eyebrows hiked before she nodded. "And again I feel like I know way too much about your relationship..."

Darcy offered a grin. "He might be a former acrobat, but this girl can't always bend that way."

"You  _really_ need to meet my cousin Lois," she decided, here eyes narrowed in thought. "I feel like you guys would get along really well."

She shrugged. "Cool. Is she shacking up with an archer too, or is she into the Average Joe type?"

"Uhh…" Chloe laughed lightly to herself. "It's kind of…  _complicated_."

"You ready?" Oliver suddenly asked, looking past the two women to a waiting Clint.

Grinning, he dropped a kiss on Darcy's temple before moving to join Oliver, dragging his bow off his shoulder.

As they squared off, raising their bows, concentration drawing their faces tight with seriousness, Chloe and Darcy moved to stand together.

"So, you think they'll go best two out of three, or…?"

Chloe laughed. "You might as well move in, this is going to be one of those never-ending one-up-man-ships from here on out."

Darcy shrugged. "Guess we'll be spending more time in StarCity then."

"I'll show you around," she offered.

"Fine." She cocked her head, eyes wide "But last I heard, your pick in top spas is a little on the iffy side."

She snorted. "It's hit and miss," she admitted. "But as long as Ollie and Clint are occupied, we have free reign to try StarCity's best."

"Awesome!" She smirked. "SHIELD credit card here I come."

"Best two out of three," they head ahead of them.

"You're on."

"Pop-tart?" Darcy asked, offering up half of her second one.

Chloe took it, nodding. "Not bad," she admitted, chewing.

"Better in bed," she replied.

"I'll test it out later with Oliver," she mused, smiling.

"Fine, but FYI, when you're naked, crumbs get  _everywhere_ …" she warned.

"Duly noted."

Reaching over, Darcy knocked the last bite of her pop-tart against Chloe's. "We just became best friends."

Chloe grinned. "I can always use another."

[ **End.** ]

  



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